A Matter of Owing


Being with the kids without Sandhya is challenging. Not always, but definitely sometimes!

But when looking into ‚Äòwhy feeling challenged?’, it is easy to see that it is because of my clinging to some desires. Such as my clinging to desire for typing down some train of thoughts, some inspirations, desire to have some silent time etc, while the kids cling to their desire that I should play with them, watch tv, go to One utama, and other things. Normally, I give up the clinging, and the kids rule.

Except when Sachin Tendulkar is batting (my hero in cricket). And when at that time I want to (desire) watch tv and the kids insist they can’t change the cartoon channel, I normally go to see the live scoreboard in internet. But recently I kind of lost it. And i heard myself telling them something like, ‘from morning i am doing this, that for you… from brushing teeth to.. now don’t you think you can give back something to me.. some 30 mts of tv time.. don’t you think you owe that to me..’ and so on..

In the night a bitter feeling of the angle of talk lingered.. of course the kids have to learn to be considerate.. to be mindful of what others want etc.. to be less selfish etc.. but instead of telling them that, somehow i went on the ‚Äòyou owe me’ angle… which was not right..

So next day morning as i was driving sidharth to school, i told him just that.. that he has to think of others, to commit actions for their happens..give up things out of love for them.. etc.. and that later in life, though he might owe many things to many people, he neednt think he owe anything to his parents.. that whatever parents do, they do it out of love .. Then as i looked at him through the rear view mirror, he nodded..then leant forward and hugged me over the shoulders..

Then, that cleared from the mind, i again could see the sky through the wind screen of the car.. till then only thoughts were seen.. and then i realized what a glorious morning it was.. the sun was shining with such radiance.. all the tree tops, as well as building tops were shimmering with such a beautiful golden hue.. the entire sky was so beautifully lit up…and even as i was beholding that..the view also lit up the memory of a poem by the Sufi poet Hafiz, which goes,

‘Even after all this time

The sun never says to the earth,

“You owe Me.”

Look what happens with

A love like that,

It lights the Whole Sky’.

I told it to sidharth too.. guess he liked it, as he said ‚Äò its cool, dada!’

Now, though we cant light up the sky, we can definitely light up the space of minds of lot of people if we try..

With that.. namaste